i forgot i had this here.
=D
Tis The Season To Be Jolly..........Hmmmmmmm....
15 hours ago
Friday, October 23, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
don't mess with the father.
When the good Lord was creating Fathers, he started with a tall frame.
A female angel nearby said, "What kind of a Father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put the Father up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without stooping"
God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child size, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a Father's hands, they were large.
The angel shook her head and said, "Large hands can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony tails, or even remove splinters caused from baseball bats."
Again God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets, yet small enough to cup a child's face in them."
Then God molded long slim legs and broad shoulders, "Do you realize you just made a Father without a lap?" The angel chuckled.
God said, "A Mother needs a lap. A Father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, to balance a boy on a bicycle, or to hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
When God was in the middle of creating the biggest feet any one had ever seen, the angel could not contain herself any longer.
"That's not fair. Do you honestly think those feet are going to get out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries, or walk through a birthday party without crushing one or two of the guests?"
God again smiled and said, "They will work. You will see. They will support a small child who wants to ride to Branbury Cross or scare mice away from a summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughout the night, giving the Father few words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that see everything, but remain calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an after thought, He added tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied he can love as much as a Mother can?"
The angel said nothing more.
A female angel nearby said, "What kind of a Father is that? If you're going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put the Father up so high? He won't be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without stooping"
God smiled and said, "Yes, but if I make him child size, who would children have to look up to?"
And when God made a Father's hands, they were large.
The angel shook her head and said, "Large hands can't manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony tails, or even remove splinters caused from baseball bats."
Again God smiled and said, "I know, but they're large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets, yet small enough to cup a child's face in them."
Then God molded long slim legs and broad shoulders, "Do you realize you just made a Father without a lap?" The angel chuckled.
God said, "A Mother needs a lap. A Father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, to balance a boy on a bicycle, or to hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus."
When God was in the middle of creating the biggest feet any one had ever seen, the angel could not contain herself any longer.
"That's not fair. Do you honestly think those feet are going to get out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries, or walk through a birthday party without crushing one or two of the guests?"
God again smiled and said, "They will work. You will see. They will support a small child who wants to ride to Branbury Cross or scare mice away from a summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill."
God worked throughout the night, giving the Father few words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that see everything, but remain calm and tolerant.
Finally, almost as an after thought, He added tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, "Now are you satisfied he can love as much as a Mother can?"
The angel said nothing more.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Diwali... the modern explanation...
Got this joke a few weeks ago.. good stuff..
A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of 'Diwali' to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...
'So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kinda a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his chick(Sita) and his bro(Laxman) along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.
But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her a way to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...so it was like..., Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty coooooooooool thing...you know with all those fireworks n stuff...
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.'
And the Mother fainted.
And Vickna collapsed on the floor laughing!!!
A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of 'Diwali' to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...
'So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kinda a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so.. he decided to get his chick(Sita) and his bro(Laxman) along... you know...so that they could all chill out together.
But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary shit... really man...they had monkeys and devils and shit like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine. But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her a way to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed..... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys.Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...so it was like..., Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's ass in his own hood.
Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest..and anyways...it gets kinda boring,you know... no TV or malls or shit like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home...and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and shit...and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also... so it was pretty coooooooooool thing...you know with all those fireworks n stuff...
Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., that was the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started.'
And the Mother fainted.
And Vickna collapsed on the floor laughing!!!
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
THE MAN CODE! REMEMBER IT!
Courtesy of SeductionLabs.
1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.
2. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.
3. When questioned by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.
5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out “BULLSHIT!” (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)
6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
8. Complaining about the brand of free beverages in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But you may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own – grill, car, firstborn child – within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered “lucky” are not applicable in this case.
10. Agreeing to distract the skanky friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.
11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
12. Before dating a buddy’s ex you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. He is however allowed to say, “man, you’re gonna love the way she licks your balls”.
13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem – You didn’t see nothin’.
15. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a best friend’s birthday is strictly optional, and slightly gay.
16. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire, and threw it into a ceiling fan.
17. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddy’s girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal’s boyfriends – Low level sports bonding is all the law requires.
18. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, never appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.
19. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.
20. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her ugly, whiny friend up with your pal, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.
21. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.
22. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
23. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the past 24 hours his actions have caused you to think “What this guy needs is a good ass whuppin’, then you may sit back and enjoy.
24. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
25. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favour of better athletes – as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.
26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.
28. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
“Yeah, baby, push it!”
“C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”
“Another set and we can hit the showers”
“Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”
29. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.
30. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod will do just fine.
31. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
32. You can not rat out a friend who show’s up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.
33. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chances of getting any either.
34. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “Fuck off!” then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.
35. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly “just a friend”, go at it, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.
36. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait.
37. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.
38. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.
39. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.
40. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
After being struck in the testicles with anything moving faster than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.
41. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.
42. A man’s shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.
43. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)
44. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.
45. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has drunk in a night.
46. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach, and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel, and it’s free.
47. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which could be perceived as a mattress.
48. If you jiggle more than twice, you’re playing with it.
49. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.
50. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining a threesome with two girls.
1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.
2. If you’ve known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually marry her.
3. When questioned by a buddy’s wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 24 hours.
5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out “BULLSHIT!” (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)
6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
8. Complaining about the brand of free beverages in a buddy’s refrigerator is forbidden. But you may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own – grill, car, firstborn child – within 12 hr notice. Women or anything considered “lucky” are not applicable in this case.
10. Agreeing to distract the skanky friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.
11. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
12. Before dating a buddy’s ex you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it. He is however allowed to say, “man, you’re gonna love the way she licks your balls”.
13. Women who claim they “love to watch sports” must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man’s zipper is down, that’s his problem – You didn’t see nothin’.
15. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a best friend’s birthday is strictly optional, and slightly gay.
16. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriend’s cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire, and threw it into a ceiling fan.
17. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddy’s girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal’s boyfriends – Low level sports bonding is all the law requires.
18. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, never appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.
19. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who is playing.
20. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her ugly, whiny friend up with your pal, you must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about joining the priesthood.
21. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the male species in the testicles.
22. Unless you’re in prison, never fight naked.
23. If your buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the past 24 hours his actions have caused you to think “What this guy needs is a good ass whuppin’, then you may sit back and enjoy.
24. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
25. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favour of better athletes – as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.
26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending your response.
28. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
“Yeah, baby, push it!”
“C’mon, give me one more! Harder!”
“Another set and we can hit the showers”
“Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?”
29. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.
30. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you’re on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod will do just fine.
31. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her.
32. You can not rat out a friend who show’s up to work or class with a massive hangover, however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his computer way up so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.
33. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chances of getting any either.
34. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a “Fuck off!” then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.
35. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly “just a friend”, go at it, the fact that you’re feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about what a big mistake it was.
36. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait.
37. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl, you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a 10 minute period is required before knocking again.
38. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.
39. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes must be settled by rock, paper, scissors. There is no argument too important for this determining method.
40. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
After being struck in the testicles with anything moving faster than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.
41. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arms reach of your buddy, you must, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.
42. A man’s shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.
43. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception: Rocky V)
44. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.
45. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has drunk in a night.
46. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you’re sunning on a tropical beach, and it’s delivered by a topless supermodel, and it’s free.
47. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which could be perceived as a mattress.
48. If you jiggle more than twice, you’re playing with it.
49. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.
50. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining a threesome with two girls.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
why planning is so important.
if i'd planned it, at least i'd remember the words that i used...
if i'd planned it, the words might have come out smoother, rather than tumbling out...
if i'd planned it, we would have been having a nice romantic dinner - no lar, too cliche..
we would have been at Kings Park - no lar, too blardy cold!!
anyway, as it were, anu was bugging me out about the price of jewelery and the fact that most of the stores were on sale.
she kept going on and on abt it.
then down on one knee i went as she sat on the sofa at the boys place.
"I want to ask you a question, a question that's been asked so many times before, i think the best way to do this is the simplest. Will you marry me?"
as i said, i can't remember the exact words and neither can she. the above is paraphrased as best as possible.
She : YES!
and as all wise men say, the rest is history.
so on the 27th day of the 6th month of the year 2009.....
ANOTHER ONE BIT THE DUST!!
if i'd planned it, the words might have come out smoother, rather than tumbling out...
if i'd planned it, we would have been having a nice romantic dinner - no lar, too cliche..
we would have been at Kings Park - no lar, too blardy cold!!
anyway, as it were, anu was bugging me out about the price of jewelery and the fact that most of the stores were on sale.
she kept going on and on abt it.
then down on one knee i went as she sat on the sofa at the boys place.
"I want to ask you a question, a question that's been asked so many times before, i think the best way to do this is the simplest. Will you marry me?"
as i said, i can't remember the exact words and neither can she. the above is paraphrased as best as possible.
She : YES!
and as all wise men say, the rest is history.
so on the 27th day of the 6th month of the year 2009.....
ANOTHER ONE BIT THE DUST!!
Monday, June 01, 2009
random broadband speed test...
from my office physically sitting in cyberjaya
using speedtest.net
*when i'm using proxy, i let the site determine nearest test server.
using cyberjaya proxy to kl test server:
download : 8.92Mbps
upload : 2.22Mbps
latency : 3ms
using penang proxy to kl test server:
29.25
18.85
24
using penang proxy to penang test server:
22.11
17.50
14
using americas proxy to americas test server:
2.17
2.06
238
now unfortunately, i'm a good employee and do not p2p or download porn in my office...
BUT AT ALMOST 30MB A SECOND I'M FREAKING TEMPTED LA!!!!
using speedtest.net
*when i'm using proxy, i let the site determine nearest test server.
using cyberjaya proxy to kl test server:
download : 8.92Mbps
upload : 2.22Mbps
latency : 3ms
using penang proxy to kl test server:
29.25
18.85
24
using penang proxy to penang test server:
22.11
17.50
14
using americas proxy to americas test server:
2.17
2.06
238
now unfortunately, i'm a good employee and do not p2p or download porn in my office...
BUT AT ALMOST 30MB A SECOND I'M FREAKING TEMPTED LA!!!!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
could be worse..
olle world!
shattap abt how often i post or don't k.. life is such.
this came in the mail today and i thought i'd share..
she sounds like such a nice, lovely girl... but alas i'm already taken...
Hi, gentleman!
Love is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will elude you.
But if you turn your attention towards other things it will come and
softly sit on your shoulder.
******http://all-hot-love.com/33289****** (removed the
hyperlink - oh and pls don't go there la.. probably some
spam site THINK SECURITY PPL)
I am a very happy positive person that likes to enjoy life to the max. I am
loving, fun, down to earth. I love to play sports. :) I am looking for some
one that has all most the same qualities that I have.
I want to find a kind, sincere, romantic man for long-term relationships,
to find somebody to make happy and to take care of.
Yourth faithfully
Nata
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